Best. Day. Ever

Did you have a good 4th? Because mine was better. Not negotiable, it just truly was perfect day.

Decided to go into Boston, first to watch the Sox game at a bar (nachos, yay!) and then parade over to the Esplanade (not pronounced like lemonade) for the greatest fireworks display in the history of the world. Luckily, the day didn’t go swimmingly for most people that were looking to join us – car trouble, AT&T’s shitty network and general malaise helped keep me mostly isolated from a horde of jackasses that I might’ve had to interact with otherwise. I was given tons of time to simply sit around and think, as I’m fairly certain the people I was with wanted nothing more than to have me shut up. They even gave me an hour alone on the midway-like Esplanade, which offered one of the more unique peoplewatching experiences I’ve had in a while. Watched a morbidly obese chick, wearing a ridiculously low-cut shirt, pet her Kobayash-like Asian womanfriend. The li’l Asian had eaten quite a bit, causing gigantour to pat her friend’s exposed stomach while commenting on how hard it was. It was quite disturbing, made especially so after seeing them cuddle with each other a few hours later. It was like a billion degrees outside, the li’l Asian must’ve been used to cool the monster off. I also got a bit of eavesdropping done, heard some recent BU grads talking about a mutual acquaintance who avoided eating any white condiments, while highlighting that she didn’t seem to mind semen-swallowing. I’ve had similar philosophical discussions about that stuff in the past, can’t ever truly decide what food group jizz belongs in. And then I got a snowcone. It was yummy. And free. Because I’m cheap and make people go buy me things while I sit around. Except it had a shitty gumball at the bottom of it. Which I spit out.

As the fireworks ended, their soundtrack of Michael Buble and Lady Gaga songs and radiance reduced to billowing clouds of smoke, I began the journey home. This trip really made me appreciate what it’d be like if I were a regular on the Tokyo subway, as it was just as cramped on the Red Line. It was a bit of a struggle…especially once an 11 year old girl stood directly in front of me on the capacity train. Abrupt stops combined with an inability to turn around made that one a bit awkward. Her parents were there, it was a no go. But I made it back, watched a bit of Funny People and passed the fuck out at around 3:00 AM.

Go ahead, try and tell me your 4th of July was more betterer. You can’t.

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One Response to “Best. Day. Ever”

  1. daniel coventry Says:

    i guess seeing a whale cuddling a furbee is the one thing that made ur 4th better than mine.

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