Gym Game Update

Been over a month since I introduced my new gym game, it’s worth an update. The count is up to a pathetic seven people. I assume most members at LA Fitness read my blog and thus changed their attire according to my specifications; there were a hell of a lot more people bein’ all fabulous before I said anything. The first person I had to wink at was a li’l black kid I used to coach…in swimming. Think he’s going to be a senior in high school now, which is the exact demographic I wanted to start off sexually harassing. I’ve at least got experience. He just thought I was being ironically weird, so it made for an easy enough first run. The last one was a bit more contentious though, decided to try it on two dudes at once. Double stuffing, in a sense. They’re nearly always at the gym when I am, but usually they’re both not wearing gay enough shirts. Fairly big guys, I think both play football for some shitty D3 team nearby. One is about 6’2″ and very Aryan, the other 5’8″ and Latino-lookin’. Go up to whitey, wink, compliment the shirt. Doesn’t really hear me/can’t process the gayness/doesn’t want to accept it. So I ask if he plays football for USC, as he was wearing USC shorts at the time. Says nah, got recruited by ’em but didn’t wanna be a part of that mess. Even though they were busy winning national championships back then, nowhere near an NCAA sanction. Quite the answer. His buddy starts jogging back at this point (because they run back and forth between stations, because they are serious athletes and simply walking back and forth would be too much rest for such machines), so I give him the same wink. Pedro does not take this well. I think he said something in Spanish, angrily, so I decided to blink (twice the winking, take that!) and walk away. Pedro started yelling at me. Whitey started calming him down, saying I wasn’t anyone to worry about. Pedro may be homophobic. Jokes on him, I’m totally not gay!

Might take some time off from the game for a bit. Getting yelled at is far less fun than I remembered it. But I’ll keep with my other habit – wearing what amounts to make me look like I’m sponsored by my former college alma mater. (Holy shit, I’ve never used that phrase before. That’s terrifying.) It’s covered in big block S’s (which narrows the school down to about 30 places) and is in the school’s colors. I’ve got a couple sets of this stuff, so wearing it whenever I’m there makes me feel special. It also gets people to speculate on what team I may have played on, with the likelihood of them guessing correctly highly unlikely. Probably 5%. I’m assuming the line of thought goes: Football? Nah, too little. And too white. Soccer? Nah, too big. And not gay. Lacrosse? Hmm, his brother plays…aww chyeah bro, that’s def a laxbro right thurr. Just today someone there asked my brother if I was on the lacrosse team. Kid even thought I looked like I wore shoulder pads when I lifted. Nope, that’s just how jacked I am, broski. College outfit definitely gettin’ worn every time I get my swell on.

It’s not all perfect though, found out today that it’s absolutely terrible to run in when it’s hot and humid. The thing ends up turning into a sweater and weighs like twenty pounds with even a moderate amount of sweat on it. Felt like I was having a heat stroke; definitely not the best day to bust out my long run (like six miles, yeehaw!). Tips are welcome for a new runnin’ getup – I’m thinking Speedo.


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