SUCK IT, COVENTRY

Daniel Coventry: WTF LESTER! 4:22 PM
Me: Still wanna get a bet in? I bet you he wins less than 16.5 games. And I’ll make it a big one, too. 4:24 PM
Daniel Coventry: 15.5 4:35 PM
Me: That was last year I thought 4:36 PM
Daniel Coventry: I want over 15.5 and I’ll put up to 400 on it 4:36 PM
Daniel Coventry: WELL… 4:49 PM
Me: Driving 4:50 PM
Daniel Coventry: So…? 4:52 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yes or no?! 4:52 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yes or no?! 4:52 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yes or no?! 4:52 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yes or no?! 4:52 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yes or no?! 4:53 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yes or no?! 4:53 PM
Daniel Coventry: Decision time! 4:53 PM
Me: K, so I was waiting until I got home to look something up. Turns out Vegas’s line this year is 15.5. I’LL TAKE IT, JEWBOY. 5:18 PM
Me: Ugh, this is going to be excruciating. And I drove the rest of the way home with airplane mode on BTW. 5:18 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yeah! 5:18 PM
Me: Bill James and Marcel the Monkey predict 14 and 15 games, ZiPS predicts 18. FanGraph fans predict 18. LET’S GO JAMES/MONKEY. 5:20 PM
Daniel Coventry: Hahahahaaha 5:20 PM
Daniel Coventry: Let’s go no injuries!!!! Knock on wood!! 5:20 PM
Me: Yeah seriously, that’d make my season so much less stressful. OOOOOOOOR the Sox are so good that they clinch the division in August and he just gets shut down.5:24 PM

Daniel Coventry: Can a nigga get some run support please?! 2:18 PM
Me: As long as he comes out of the game now, Lester has literally my ideal pitching line. 2:19 PM
Me: Oh, and I’m also pretty sure I’d be kicking the shit outta you in fantasy had we started this week. 2:22 PM
Daniel Coventry: If they score top 8 he qualifies for a win right? 2:22 PM
Daniel Coventry: Seriously I’ve had a real good pitching week? 2:22 PM
Me: No fuckin’ idea. I hope not. 2:22 PM
Daniel Coventry: I think so 2:22 PM
Me: Eh not really, my hitters have been way better than yours though. You have had better pitching. 2:23 PM
Me: Either way, this is what wins should be called: Times He Was The Pitcher Who Last Pitched Prior To The Half-Inning When The Winning Team Took The Lead For The Last Time, Except When The Starting Pitcher Pitches Less Than Five Innings, In Which Case The Win Shall Be Awarded To The Relief Pitcher Whom The Official Scorer Deems Most Effective 2:25 PM
Daniel Coventry: Don’t worry he won’t get the win now 2:26 PM
Me: Booyakasha. Now to just do this another 20+ games. 2:27 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yeah this is no fun 2:27 PM
Me: It’s going to be excruciating. 2:28 PM
Daniel Coventry: I know 2:28 PM
Me: See, now isn’t gambling bad? There’s a lesson to all of this. 2:29 PM
Daniel Coventry: Not if i win 2:57 PM
Me: But the stress, it’ll kill you. 3:05 PM
Me: And then only I win. 3:05 PM

Me: Sorry, I will make sure to watch more games. 4:24 PM
Daniel Coventry: I wish I could. I also wish the sox would give Lester some run support 4:25 PM
Me: That is something I am completely fine with. 4:26 PM

Daniel Coventry: Thats fucking jacobys 3rd jack this year already 2:19 PM
Me: And Lester’s pitching like shit, yet up 4-1. Not cool. 2:20 PM
Daniel Coventry: So happy! And the game is on tbs so I’m watching! 2:20 PM
Me: More like the game is on BS! 2:21 PM
Daniel Coventry: I would retire that joke 2:22 PM
Me: Because I find Lester and Ellsbury’s performances to be BS, you see. 2:24 PM
Me: I had a worse one yesterday. 2:24 PM
Daniel Coventry: I see. Still renig it from use. 2:24 PM
Me: I try to have at least one really shitty joke every now and again. Makes the good ones seem that much better. 2:25 PM
Daniel Coventry: Oh my god Lester almost just died! 2:29 PM
Daniel Coventry: Holy shit his face was almost just sliced open 2:29 PM
Me: Faaaaaaaack I’m totally OK with a devastating injury. 2:31 PM

Daniel Coventry: Lester got the win today 10:19 PM
Me: Ah fuck I am sc-reeeeewed. 10:20 PM
Daniel Coventry: Hahahah I hope so! 10:21 PM

Daniel Coventry: LESTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12:46 AM
Me: You know, I may just murder Lester before the year is out. Would I still win? 10:56 AM
Daniel Coventry: If you kill him after he gets win 16 I win but if you kill him previous to it it’s a wash. Please tell me you dvred it cause I really want to see it. And 11:15 AM

Me: If only you were a Lester owner, you’d know what it was like to get a W every time out. 4:22 PM
Daniel Coventry: Thing is I have this bet, that so far has been going well for me, and I already benefit from every Lester win 4:25 PM
Me: I think I might kill him. Cancer couldn’t do it, but I know I can. I’ll trade him right before, obviously. 4:26 PM
Daniel Coventry: Hahaha Steve bartman and Junker23 will go down in history as some of the worst ruiners of baseball ever 4:27 PM
Me: But I will be a better gambler. 4:36 PM
Daniel Coventry: Debatable is $400 really worth life in jail? 4:40 PM
Me: I’ve got my pride 4:46 PM

Me: Fairly sure Lester is getting to 15 tonight. UNLESS I KILL HIM. 9:03 PM
Daniel Coventry: I still got my fingers crossed! 9:04 PM
Me: That I kill him? That seems awfully morbid and fiscally unsound. 9:04 PM
Daniel Coventry: Crosses that he gets the win nigga you better not touch him or hurt him 9:05 PM
Me: Or what, you’ll show these to the police? Can’t prove this is me! Aside from being part of my google account. But that could be anyone. 9:07 PM

Daniel Coventry: FYI I may kill Johnny Lester and the sox 9:12 PM
Me: Saves me the trouble. 9:13 PM

Daniel Coventry: Ps I think Lester has only 1 start left in the year guarantee cause of how lucky he got at the beginning of the year he’ll pitch 8 innings 1 earned run w 1:38 PM

Me: Yeah, Weiland sucks. But they’ll be OK. Just as long as Lester only has one start. 1:59 PM
Me: If I did it right, he has two left, both against the O’s. 1:59 PM
Daniel Coventry: God I would love that! 2:01 PM
Me: But feel free to kill him though, I’m fine with that. 4:15 PM
Daniel Coventry: Wow could the sox pull off the lose both games of a double header and have the rays win to cut their lead to only .5 games?! 4:16 PM
Me: It’d be pretty funny! 4:16 PM
Daniel Coventry: God I’m going to be so pissed if they manage to miss the playoffs 4:17 PM
Me: I mean, the rotation is basically Lester & AAAA dudes right now, so I wouldn’t be too surprised 4:17 PM

Daniel Coventry: Lester pitches friday at the Yankees and then potentially the last day of the season at baltimore but I doubt they use him for that unless they NEED him.2:43 PM
Daniel Coventry: ..fucking hate this! 2:43 PM
Me: Who do the Yankees have going? 3:05 PM
Daniel Coventry: Freddy Garcia 3:06 PM
Me: Fuuuuuuuuck. 3:07 PM

Me: I’m so fuckin’ terrified the Sox are going to need Lester to pitch on Wednesday. 10:51 AM
Daniel Coventry: God I pray they do. 11:57 AM
Me: I reaaaaaaaaaally want them to win both games today. And for the Rays to lose. That’ll fix everything. 11:58 AM

Me: …seriously, Sox? Lester’s definitely pitching Wednesday now. 10:16 PM
Daniel Coventry: Yup already thought that out! 10:19 PM
Me: Just needed a goddamn Rays loss and a Sox win. Fuckin’ opposite happened. I hope the O’s fucking shell him and the Rays make the playoffs so hard. 10:20 PM
Daniel Coventry: YUP! 10:21 PM

Me: CANCEL THE GAME. 9:35 PM
Daniel Coventry: It’s an official game! 9:35 PM
Daniel Coventry: How bad is it Coming down I’m driving 9:35 PM
Me: JUST KIDDING. KEEP PLAYING. 9:36 PM
Me: They saw lightning off in the distance and it’s comin’ down fairly hard. 9:36 PM
Daniel Coventry: How bad is it coming down? 9:36 PM
Daniel Coventry: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 9:37 PM
Me: Fuck that. This doesn’t count. Fuck. 9:37 PM
Me: JUST ONE RUN FROM THE O’S. JUST ONE. FUCK. 9:37 PM
Me: Welp, I’m going to bed. LET’S GO NOT ACEVES, BARD AND PAPELBON. 10:22 PM

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