I Still Suck At The Guitar

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on July 27, 2010 by junker23

As this video now proves.

It does show I’m a great singer, so there’s that. I do have a confession though, this was done on take two. I know, I know, I expected to nail it on the first run too, but the camera fell over. It couldn’t handle how good I sounded, especially after so little practice. I only played through the song like forty five times. That’s only a few, right?

But seriously, fuckin’ oww. Goddamn pinky and ring finger had to hold down the same friggan notes the entire song, which ended up being kinda painful. Not something I’d anticipated. I should probably start peeing on my fingertips. You can probably hear me whimper if you listen closely enough, though that may be dangerous. Listening to it more than once can cause birth defects. Not in an unborn child mind you, but in the listener. That’s how bad it is.

Oh, and as you may have seen, I shot the video shirtless. This was to attract more of my target demographic – deaf homosexual males. Hopefully that, and the bukkake tag I gave it, will work.

And again, like I said before, I take requests. Preferably add, “DANCE MONKEY, DANCE!” at the end of whatever you suggest, it’ll make it feel more authentic.

Instant edit – Holy fuck, the video already has one view. This is not good. Here’s to hoping I get to 500,000 like this one. She’s not even playing the right forms of the chords. Bitch.

Oh, oh, oh and please rate it thumbs down. I’d like a full -100% rating, if possible.


Inception Revisited

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 24, 2010 by junker23

This will be full of spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie I’d recommend not reading this post.

Sceent it twice now, last Friday and yesterday. I don’t think I can adequately describe how I felt watching it last week – mostly straining to fully comprehend everything, trying to take in every little detail – while still missing many. It wasn’t exactly exhausting, but it took some attention. I thought I had a good grasp of it, until it ended and I had no fuckin’ idea what had just happened. It’s a two and a half hour movie that seemed both longer and shorter than that. Longer in terms of the sheer amount of shit happening; it easily had enough content to fill a ten-part miniseries on HBO, but short in that it didn’t seem like I had been there for several hours, it didn’t feel like it went on too long. For all I knew it was ten hours long – and that wouldn’t have been a bad thing, it was entertaining. Though, once it ended, I left feeling overwhelmed. I wasn’t blown away, in some sort of faux-Nirvana*, I was simply confused. Didn’t really feel anything. Which was unfortunate. I was sure it was great while I was watching it, why did it seem so empty now? People are raving about it – people dumber than me! – why don’t I feel the same way? Knew I had to see it again, knew that I’d missed something.

*Which has happened to me after a few movies, most clearly The Dark Knight, WALL-E, and to some extent, Kick-Ass. Yeah, I’m a faggot. Wanna fight about it?

Saw it again on a whim last night. This time I watched it differently – was Michael Caine’s character wearing the same clothes in both of his appearances? What about Cobb’s kids? Nope, both of ’em changed outfits. What was the time scale of different dream layers? (From what I recorded: a week in the first level is six months in the second and ten years in the third. Also, ten seconds in the first layer is three minutes in the second and twenty minutes in the third. Doing some quick head-calculations, it doesn’t appear the two are consistent with one another. But that’s just with straight multiplication, some sort of exponential function might fit.) What are random people acting like in the “real world?” Until the JGL gravity-defying fight scenes*, I was convinced the movie was absolutely brilliant, just as many others have said. Yay, I get it! But then I started noticing things that really didn’t really make sense. There are plenty of little nit-picky things in the movie, different things you have to suspend disbelief for, but those are OK, that’s to be expected in a movie like this. But these two issues, both regarding events near the very end of the film, seem too big to ignore. Both may have simple explanations, both may not. I just can’t think hard enough to figure ’em out.

*Of which I really, really want to see both some uncut footage, along with shots of the entire setup as it was being filmed. Description of them here.

On to the questions:

Why did Mal (specifically, Cobb’s projection of her) end up in limbo? Cobb killed that projection of her after she shot Fischer, but I don’t know why that would send her to limbo. Do only dreamers and projections of actual people go to limbo when they’re killed in those deeply-sedate dreams? There weren’t dozens of imaginary henchmen from Fischer’s subconscious waiting for anyone once they got there. I could understand her being there once Cobb showed up, but she was very clearly there first – she had time to tie up Fischer and stash him on their porch. Is she always there because Cobb is stashing her there, like how she’s stashed in various other places they’ve been together? Guess that would be the most likely explanation, but I didn’t think Cobb ever visited limbo with that dream elevator of his.

Why was Saito, or Cobb for that matter, confident they succeeded when they both woke up on the plane? I’m fairly sure they were both already in limbo before the vault to the bizarro-bedroom was opened; Eames was the only one that witnessed Fischer seemingly buying in to their implanted idea. I haven’t been able to think of a good explanation for why they assumed it worked, aside from the fact that they woke up and everybody was looking at Cobb with shit-eating grins. It’s not like their mission was going perfectly before they both ended up in limbo, it was falling apart. The final part of their job, which I’d assume was the most difficult and unlikely aspect, was to occur inside that room. Why would they just assume it was successful? The only reason Saito toured the dream was to ensure they succeeded – how could he wake up and immediately make that freeing phone call without actually knowing? Maybe they set up Fischer so well in the preceding levels that they were sure it was going to work once he saw that projection of his father, but that seems like a bit of wishful thinking.

Both those things seem explainable, but not realistically. Hopefully, I can find the answers somewhere. I haven’t really looked. Most likely they’re both issues only because I’m an idiot, but I can’t tell yet.

Now, about the ending. There have been plenty of believable explanations as to why Cobb’s reality was still the dreamworld. (Even though I just read the creator of that specific explanation saying he no longer believes it. Phooey.) He’s awake. He’s really back with his children. His wife is dead, killed due to his previous experience with inception. Too many things don’t make sense if this is simply all in Cobb’s mind – why do the supporting characters do things when Cobb isn’t there? Sure, a few things make it seem like he’s dreaming – the chase scene in Mombasa, most prominently. Oh, so random thugs just start chasing him, he squeezes through a dream-like obstacle and Saito shows up just in time to save the day? A bit outlandish, but not indicative that he’s dreaming. Everyone should’ve been after him, not just some white guys in suits. The corridor was most likely meant to invoke dreams, not prove he’s in one. And Saito shows up because he’s omniscient. I did say a little suspension of disbelief was needed with the film.

So, all in all, it’s a great movie. Not one of my own all-time favorites (reserved for those that truly get an emotional response out of me – I can think of maybe five right now), but still an excellent film. If you don’t buy into it the first time you see it, watch it again. Maybe read some analysis of it before you go back. You’ll pick up on much more of what’s going on and, in my opinion, appreciate it that much more.


Oh, and some random things. I thought Ellen Page’s character, Ariadne, had a name just as dumb-sounding and retarded as the Twilight baby’s when I first saw the movie. But, because I assumed Christopher Nolan isn’t an idiot like Stephenie Meyer, I looked it up. And what’dya know, the original Ariadne was also known as the “Mistress of the Labyrinth.” We’re in the majors with this shit, people.

And another random thing – during the Mr. Charles scene, why was the chick Eames impersonated so ugly? She seemed real out of proportion and had an almost clay like, fish face. Not exactly the bombshell I’d expected.

(Added at 10:15 on 07/25/10 – I’m pretty sure the “supporting actor” in Christopher Nolan’s next film is going to be David Krumholtz. Someone tell me why and I’ll mail them a dollar.)


Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 22, 2010 by junker23



It’s going to be a great day.

More Movie Hype! Middle Men

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 21, 2010 by junker23

It’s called Middle Men and it’s about internet porn. It’s about time I spent a bit of my time learning about my favorite subject instead of just watching it for 3 hours a day.

Only other movie I’ve seen about porn that wasn’t porn – Boogie Nights – was absolutely amazing, so I’ve got high hopes for this one. If Marky Mark and his magnum dong show up I might just die.

UTR Movies: SunshineMoon

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on July 20, 2010 by junker23

Movie time! I’ve seen three new movies in the last week – two are in the title and the third already got its own post, which I’ll revisit (eventually). Ain’t much happenin’ these days. Both Sunshine and Moon are similar in a variety of ways – both are set in the near future and in space. Something there will solve an extinction-level event on Earth. Sunshine was directed by the guy who eventually made Slumdog Millionaire and Moon by Zowie Bowie. Now, to the detailed and divergent descriptions!

Sunshine is the older of the two movies, came out in ’07. The first thing stated in the film gives you its premise – the sun is dying. There’s no real explanation given for it in the film (though DVD extras do get into it a bit), but they have a solution: set off a giant-ass nuke inside the sun, which’ll get it working again. Perhaps not the most realistic of resolutions, but I’ll allow it. We join the nuke-ship’s crew right as they’re about to lose communication with the Earth. (Apparently they use AT&T in space! Badum cha!) Of course, things don’t go as according to plan and space hijinks ensue. The machinations of the diverse crew is the low point of the movie for me – they seem a bit irrational for the world’s brightest scientists, but maybe that’s what space does to you. The end also nearly turns into a slasher film, which is both out of place and unnecessary. A more elegant obstacle should’ve been determined. But it’s not terrible; the film has some excellent visual effects and the soundtrack is amazing. Seriously, listen to this song and tell me it’s not awesome. (Confession: I first heard it in Kick-Ass, so maybe that’s influencing me.) If you’re a big soundtrack buff, definitely check it, or any other of John Murphy’s work out. Cillian Murphy was also great playing the lead, along with a surprisingly strong performance from Chris Evans. The smaller parts were OK, but didn’t really add anything to the film. Overall a decent film, but you might just be better off just watching either version of Solaris instead.

Moon came out last year, winning some little random awards in the process. Mostly independent film stuff, meaning it could be entertaining or super douchey. My only background knowledge before watching the film was that it’s basically Sam Rockwell goin’ stir-crazy after being on the moon alone for three years. I’d watch Sam Rockwell do anything, aside from maybe my sister. He’s there to mine a type of helium that has apparently solved the Earth’s energy crisis. Why it’s all done with one dude I don’t know, but the Evil Corporation behind it all makes it work. Unsurprisingly, Sam can’t communicate live with the Earth anymore, instead relying on taped transmissions; the first real conflict in the movie. There’s very little else I can say about the plot that doesn’t give too much away, but it was both unique and unexpected. That could easily make for a bit of an outlandish movie, but it ended up both entertaining and mildly thought-provoking. Visual effects were a bit primitive if cartoonish at points, but worked well enough to tell the story. Nothing noteworthy in terms of the soundtrack, but wasn’t bad.

Moon was easily the better film. Went somewhere I wasn’t expecting and still turned out pretty cool. Sunshine was OK, it’s a decent movie to watch if nothing else is on. It tried to be something deep, especially with its final scene, but just didn’t get it done. If you’re a big space nerd, I’d check them both out, if not – go with Moon.

I Suck At The Guitar

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 19, 2010 by junker23

But I used to be good. I started playing about ten years ago (decent story there) and it took a good two to three years to not be absolutely horrible. I learned early that tons of distortion hid mistakes, so I made sure to crank that “Grunge” knob all the way to eleven. Throughout high school I was OK, I could play almost whatever was thrown at me. Mostly stuck to the entire Metallica catalog and crappy emo-metal, though. Love that shit. I’m also a giant pussy, so I never really played in a band or anything. Sensing that hey, maybe I could in college, I bought a flippin’ sweet guitar and a half-stack amp. Over my collegiate career I think I played a total of twenty times. And the amp died. Excellent investment.

The last four weeks, I’ve basically worked, blogged and gone to the gym. Shit gets boring. So, sensing I needed a hobby, I thought I’d dust off the guitar. But I left it up at school. And the two I have at home are either missing vital pieces that aren’t sold individually or completely gutted. All I have left is an acoustic, also missing some pieces and equipped with seven-year old strings. Boredom won out, so I made a trip to the local music shop to fix it up. The people at the store were surprisingly friendly (seriously, best service ever) and I was sent off with a guitar that I had to string up. Shit, knew I shoulda asked them to do it for me. But I’d strung up guitars before, haphazardly. Quick video-sesh and I was ready to go. Destroyed the high-E string pretty good, but aside from that snafu it ended up playable.

Cut off excess string, tuned it up. Loaded up my favorite tab site and…couldn’t find a pick. Shit shit shit. Searched for five minutes, gave up. I’d played with my index fingernail all throughout guitar class in high school, might as well go back to it. Once I started playing, I realized I literally only knew about five songs that don’t sound like absolute dick on an acoustic guitar. I played “Everlong” and “Best of You” about thirty times. I even tried singing while playing! Which went horribly. It’s gonna take some practice if I want to get serious about fronting a Foo Fighters cover band. (Which I should’ve done already. I look more like Dave Grohl than he does.)

Got bored with songs I already knew how to play, decided to find new ones that might sound good on an acoustic guitar. And failed at learning nearly all of them. I don’t know what it was, but even the simplest of songs was a challenge. (Seriously, I couldn’t figure out “Party in the USA”? Gahh.) Maybe I’ve reached the upper limit of guitar songs I can learn. Kinda depressing. I usually got a hell of a lot better at songs magically over night, so maybe when I pick it back up today I won’t sound like the guitar’s broken. Kinda hope so.

Like always, if there any suggestions for songs I should learn to play, post ’em in the comments. Maybe, if I learn it well enough, I’ll post one of those retarded YouTube videos that people make of them playing along with the song. Those always looked like fun, like how fartin’ in a bathtub and laughin’ your ass off is fun.

Gym Game Update

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on July 17, 2010 by junker23

Been over a month since I introduced my new gym game, it’s worth an update. The count is up to a pathetic seven people. I assume most members at LA Fitness read my blog and thus changed their attire according to my specifications; there were a hell of a lot more people bein’ all fabulous before I said anything. The first person I had to wink at was a li’l black kid I used to coach…in swimming. Think he’s going to be a senior in high school now, which is the exact demographic I wanted to start off sexually harassing. I’ve at least got experience. He just thought I was being ironically weird, so it made for an easy enough first run. The last one was a bit more contentious though, decided to try it on two dudes at once. Double stuffing, in a sense. They’re nearly always at the gym when I am, but usually they’re both not wearing gay enough shirts. Fairly big guys, I think both play football for some shitty D3 team nearby. One is about 6’2″ and very Aryan, the other 5’8″ and Latino-lookin’. Go up to whitey, wink, compliment the shirt. Doesn’t really hear me/can’t process the gayness/doesn’t want to accept it. So I ask if he plays football for USC, as he was wearing USC shorts at the time. Says nah, got recruited by ’em but didn’t wanna be a part of that mess. Even though they were busy winning national championships back then, nowhere near an NCAA sanction. Quite the answer. His buddy starts jogging back at this point (because they run back and forth between stations, because they are serious athletes and simply walking back and forth would be too much rest for such machines), so I give him the same wink. Pedro does not take this well. I think he said something in Spanish, angrily, so I decided to blink (twice the winking, take that!) and walk away. Pedro started yelling at me. Whitey started calming him down, saying I wasn’t anyone to worry about. Pedro may be homophobic. Jokes on him, I’m totally not gay!

Might take some time off from the game for a bit. Getting yelled at is far less fun than I remembered it. But I’ll keep with my other habit – wearing what amounts to make me look like I’m sponsored by my former college alma mater. (Holy shit, I’ve never used that phrase before. That’s terrifying.) It’s covered in big block S’s (which narrows the school down to about 30 places) and is in the school’s colors. I’ve got a couple sets of this stuff, so wearing it whenever I’m there makes me feel special. It also gets people to speculate on what team I may have played on, with the likelihood of them guessing correctly highly unlikely. Probably 5%. I’m assuming the line of thought goes: Football? Nah, too little. And too white. Soccer? Nah, too big. And not gay. Lacrosse? Hmm, his brother plays…aww chyeah bro, that’s def a laxbro right thurr. Just today someone there asked my brother if I was on the lacrosse team. Kid even thought I looked like I wore shoulder pads when I lifted. Nope, that’s just how jacked I am, broski. College outfit definitely gettin’ worn every time I get my swell on.

It’s not all perfect though, found out today that it’s absolutely terrible to run in when it’s hot and humid. The thing ends up turning into a sweater and weighs like twenty pounds with even a moderate amount of sweat on it. Felt like I was having a heat stroke; definitely not the best day to bust out my long run (like six miles, yeehaw!). Tips are welcome for a new runnin’ getup – I’m thinking Speedo.